I need to ask – when is it that we stopped loving ourselves – really caring and nuturing, appreciating ourselves? When did we start taking ourselves for granted, pushing ourselves to our limits – and then some? When did we stop taking the time to pat ourselves on the back for achieving something? When we get a little run down why do we curse our limitations instead of seeing it as a way that our body is crying out for rest and nurturing?
When did we start accepting that working in jobs that we are not happy in or do not satisfy our souls’ longing to pay our bills is what we deserve? When did we start accepting that staying in a relationship or keeping a friendship that is not in our resonance is the best thing for us?
The more important question is why?
I’ve heard all the reasons – we have responsibilities, we don’t have the luxury of doing what we want, we do this to survive, it’s just the way it is, what other choice have I got?
‘I AM’ Loving Myself – that’s a choice we have.
Do I need more time for self reflection? Take it – the laundry can wait another day.
Do I need a more fulfilling job, that stirs my passion? Find it – no employer or job is indispensable.
Do I need a life partner who is more in resonance with my vibration and loves me for who I am? Go for it – do not settle for less.
‘I AM’ Loving Myself.
Our ‘I AM’ holds our individual divine imprint and vibration of Universal Source. This is our unique make up and resonance. When our outside is in dissonance with our ‘I AM’ within, we are sent warning signals from our ‘I AM’ – starting gently at first, and growing more acute if the dissonance gets stronger or continues for long periods of time :
The worse it gets, the louder the signals become – self harm, destructive
behaviour, feelings of wanting to end life.
‘I AM’ Loving Myself.
What can we do to start loving ourselves more?
To connect with ‘I AM’ within, one has to disconnect from everything else outside. Is it not worth it and important to make time for the most important relationship in our lives – our selves?
‘I AM’ Loving Myself.
Choose ‘I AM’.
Choose to honour and nurture ourselves.
I think it is time I ‘fess up – I have been, and still am, a massive Judith McNaught fan. For those who is unaware of who she is – Judith McNaught is the best romance writer I have read. Intensely emotionally charged, with rapier wit, she wrote heart melting tales of true love between innocent sassy heroines and smoldering roguish heros. As a young adult, her books were (as still are) my guilty pleasure.
Armed with the memories of her tales, wide eyed and enthusiastic, I started pursuing my own journey of true love – my own happily ever after with my One and Only. 12 years later saw me crying over a bowl of noodle soup, with a good guy friend of almost 20 years, who is gay, lamenting to him about my third very painful breakup. When he’d had enough of witnessing the drowning of the spring rolls with tears and my accounts of the devastating failure of finding true love, he asked me something that I would never forget.
“Do you want a Man, or a Baby?”
After a few moments of silence of me questioning his sanity, he explained to me that having met all my failed relationships, he noticed that they were all cut from the same cloth. The relationships flowed smoothly whenever I agreed with them, but the minute I said no and stood up for myself, he noticed the guys threw a tantrum and the relationship screeched to a halt.
“Only babies throw tantrums. Men don’t. Men respect and care enough to listen to their partners, to work things out,” was his sage advice. “So, do you want a Man or a Baby?”
I went away from that dinner enlightened. What was it about me that was attracted to partners who not only wanted their needs to be continually fulfilled yet not value me? And what was it about me that wanted to just please and coddle them despite my own worth? Most importantly, why was I weeping over guys who wanted to keep me small?
That night I vowed to embark on a journey of true love – with my ‘I AM’. For five years, I remained single – casually dating guys – learning about what I wanted in a partner, what worked and did not work for me. I worked through my own self worth issues, filled as many holes within myself, started loving myself and stopped believing that I had to bend over backwards to have someone love me.
When I felt ready and whole within myself and in touch with ‘I AM’, I then wrote a list to manifest what I wanted in a partner. Three months later, he manifested, and he completely was not what I expected. He was a lot older than me, lived on the other side of the world, and was in a completely different phase of his life than I was. However, whenever I was with him, I felt a little tickle deep in the pit of my tummy, which I now recognise as my ‘I AM’ centre. My ‘I AM’ recognised him.
I am not saying that there were no challenges – there were plenty. We did the inter-continental long distance thing for 3 years, before we decided that it was financially beneficial for me to move to his part of the world. We had to traverse age, cultural and lifestyle gaps – and we did. The reason why we are working is because we both knew our own, and acknowledged and respected the other’s ‘I AM’. When challenges emerged, we both discussed it, heard one another, respected the other’s needs to reach common ground, and were equally committed to grow and evolve our own selves to make the relationship work. We just wanted to BE with the other.
I had finally found a Man.
Before anyone could love me, I had to first love myself and be aligned and love with my own ‘I AM’. I needed to fill my own holes. Only when I felt full and complete could I recognise and receive the love of another ‘I AM’.
Andy taught me the joys of being loved for who I AM, and of receiving as much as giving. When there is a meeting and resonance of the loving ‘I AM’, the Ego, Mental, Emotional and Spiritual states align with that love. There in lies the vibration of deep unwavering love that two partners share.
Is Andy my Twin Flame, One and Only or my Soul Mate? I do not know, and nor does it matter. All that matters is that at the present moment, we love each other’s ‘I AM’ from the depths of our own ‘I AM’ – and thus our entire Being – mental, emotional, spiritual and physical – is aligned in Being with one another.
Let everyday Be your Valentine’s Day.
One of the most powerful regression sessions I had was when I was a student in the Past Life Regression Academy course nearly 10 years ago.
I went back to a life where I was born a female with no cognitive capacity. Seeing that something was ‘wrong’ with their child, my parents left me on the Church steps. I grew up orphan and the village clown/idiot. It did not bother me because I did not understand it. I was quite attractive and many men had their way with me. Again, did not understand it so it did not bother me. Then, one of the men impregnated me – and whilst I did not understand that I had a baby growing within – for the first time, I felt love – love that this child had for me, and love that I had for the child. It was blissful. I spent all my time basking in love.
I started to show. Whilst I did not know nor cared about what was happening, the villagers knew I was pregnant. Their philosophy was that the Devil’s Spawn cannot bear another Spawn – so they beat the baby out of me. The physical pain of the beating and abortion was no match for the emotional and mental agony of losing the love. I did not understand that my baby had died. All I knew was that there was no more love. The villagers shooed me out of their village.
I spent the rest of that life futilely looking for love outside myself, and when I could not find it, I sank into a state of extreme rage and gut wrenching grief.
When I revisited the life 10 years ago, I finally released these layers of pent up emotions. The biggest insight that dawned on me is that the love was and is within me the whole time.
‘I AM’ is love – pure unadulterated unconditional love.
What this has translated to is that I am loving myself unconditionally. It’s taken quite a spirally, roundabout journey to get here (note to self for the next time : the fastest way to get from point A to point B is a straight line!) but I am here now.
How has this manifested practically?
In embodying and Being ‘I AM’, my life is feeling more peaceful, complete and full of joy and love.
All because ‘I AM’ is an infinite source of unconditional love within.
As the longest velvety night of winter descends, it sparkles with renewed hope of the promise of the coming light and the anticipation of a new year beckoning around the corner. December 25, in the days of yore, was a pagan celebration of the birth of light as the days become longer.
This poetic significance got me thinking of the ‘I AM’ within the concept of duality – of light and dark, desired and undesired. My whole life, I have been conditioned and strived to follow the path of light and good. Woe betide should I embody, intentionally or naively, anything that is remotely perceived to be dark or not good. Embrace the positive and discard the negative – that has been my motto.
However, as I have just started to embody ‘I AM’, my perception is slowly shifting. Duality is shimmering away, and what is showing behind is a glimmer of unity. Long held beliefs and judgement of what is good and is not good, seems to fade into oblivion.
I am learning that light and dark are two extremes that coexist harmoniously together. It is within the inky depths of darkness that stars shine the brightest. Shadow only exists where there is light. To deny one, would be to deny the other. To acknowledge both is to accept and flow in peace with either.
‘I AM’ transcends both dark and light.
Whilst on the journey to embrace ‘I AM’, I realize that I am the make up of both the shadow and the light sides of myself. To deny one is to deny a big part of oneself. To embrace both is to love oneself wholly and unconditionally.
I am learning that what differs between a positive emotion, thought or action and a negative one is Judgement. For example, anger has acquired a terrible reputation as a negative emotion. However, as a therapist, when I am working with clients who have been abused emotionally, sexually and / or physically, the emotion that enables them to break through powerlessness and helplessness is anger. Once the anger is acknowledged, allowed to flow and released, peace descends.
Any emotion or thought that have been repressed or suppressed for long periods of time ultimately becomes destructive. ‘Inside Out’, a wonderful Pixar production, illustrates this so simply and elegantly. When Joy tried to suppress Sadness (and to a certain extent Disgust, Fear and Anger) chaos descended within the person. However, in coexisting harmoniously together, the person had a healthier and more peaceful existence.
Our conditioned beliefs have created a dual reality, to feed our insecure Ego state. Through the illusion of Judgement, we created separation – good vs evil; dark vs light. There are always two sides to every story, and Judgement only sees the one side we stand on.
Who am I to pass judgement on what is light and what is dark; what is good and what is evil? More importantly, what is it within my ego state that I am trying to feed with the judgements I pass?
‘I AM’ suspends judgement. ‘I AM’ just IS
I am reminded today that whilst it is the Winter Solstice in the Northern Hemisphere, it is the Summer Solstice in the Southern Hemisphere. Where there is Night, there is always Light. Whether it is the Eternal Night or the Eternal Light depends on our perspective of where we are on Earth. From the perspective of Earth – Solstice (both Summer and Winter) just IS, and she continues on her journey.
‘I AM’ is neither light nor dark.
‘I AM’ is All.
Happy Solstice Everybody.